I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
