dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
