i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
