I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
