lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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