i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
