I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
