so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
