i think i have two assholes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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