Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
