my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
sarcasm needs its own font
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
