I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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