WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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