I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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