So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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