Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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