i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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