Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
