Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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