HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
