I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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