when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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