it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize