He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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