conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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