i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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