Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
