her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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