i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it because I queefed?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
