ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
