It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
