dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.