Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous