oh good, I think they're gone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.