Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.

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(847): Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part. http://tfl.nu/ui2p

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(713): View more from Texas

I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.

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(713): I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat. http://tfl.nu/0mmi

Replies (8) Good night (571) Bad night (2172)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

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(505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously. http://tfl.nu/fpp3

Replies (23) Good night (2937) Bad night (654)
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(419): View more from Ohio

It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.

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(419): It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo. http://tfl.nu/e5lr

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(205): View more from Alabama

So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

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(205): So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls http://tfl.nu/yvx9

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.

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(617): The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door. http://tfl.nu/n48k

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

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(403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb

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(205): View more from Alabama

I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.

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(205): I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment. http://tfl.nu/97ug

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?

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(870): Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with? http://tfl.nu/z4e7

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.

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(+44): I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/4b20

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(843): View more from South Carolina

the evidence from last night is not good...

(904): View more from Florida

what evidence?

(843): View more from South Carolina

my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...

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(843): the evidence from last night is not good... (904): what evidence? (843): my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair... http://tfl.nu/ykqm

Replies (3) Good night (1037) Bad night (436)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.

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(306): Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/ykxr

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(518): View more from New York

I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.

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(518): I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen. http://tfl.nu/2oin

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(248): View more from Michigan

About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public

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(248): About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public http://tfl.nu/nrsv

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

Wow.

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(570): Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand? (1-570): Wow. http://tfl.nu/2i6h

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