I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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