did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
