Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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