I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
