The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
