STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
