i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The struggles of a small town man whore
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
