I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
whose parrot is this?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
