and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
