First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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