why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
