I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
