So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
