I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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