my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it because I queefed?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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