...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
