I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
