he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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