she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't turn off my feet"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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