I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
