This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
