she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
