I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
