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watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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