i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?