oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?