2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
