ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.