uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
