so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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