So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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