If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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