I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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