My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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