I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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