Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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