Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
