I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
